Reflections

It feels as though I am in a perpetual state of turmoil, as I am now in a world of criminals and feel as if I don't belong here.Where I once thrived I now find myself with anxiety and realization of what life is really about. But yet I'm trapped in this world and it is going to be a constant fight to someday regain my freedom.

So this last week having time to myself, locked in a cell, has really made me reflect on life and where I'm at. While I am not happy about my physical location, I am happy about the man I've become. Looking back on who I was, I don't even recognize that boy anymore.


I have become a man that is respectable, and I like the person I see when I look in the mirror. I believe I can be a productive member of society, I believe I can give back to the community to outreach the youth of America and show them that I am living proof of change.


I believe in another chance, especially for people who were so young, and have shown a change.


The world in which I live in, within these walls, is very much against my ideals and to change. I often receive criticism for the way I operate and conduct myself. Sometimes referred to as "soft", or "scared", a "square", "not down". I will be all that but I'm proud of who I've become. A man of morals, not the morals of a criminal, but the morals of a good person.


We are always going to have those who criticize and condemn. The ones who want to hold you down. But I always look to rise above, beyond and move forward.


If I were able to enter back into society, given a second chance, I know that I would do great, I have a great support system of family and friends. I know who I am, what I want and I know where I am going. With my dark past, I can do only one thing, that is to continue to move forward toward the light.


And I won't stop,  I will continue to work hard every day for the betterment of myself and those around me. Not through words but by actions. To lead by example as I have done and I'm doing right now being involved in positive things such as furthering my education (I have 3 certificates related to Small Business Management and I'm currently learning a second language), my artwork which I enjoy sharing with the outside world, and volunteer programs such as "Build a Bear Program" in which I have been involved for more than 2 years. In addition, I will be helping to teach painting. As you already know Art is my passion and I want to share it with my fellow man around me.



Thank you for your time. Please feel free to contact me with questions.
Have a wonderful day.

Taylor Conley

Valentines

This weekend I was able to spend the whole weekend for 4 days with the love of my life :).
Today is our third day and it is the most special day since is Sunday 14 of February 2016, Valentines.

This valentines is the greatest valentines I have ever had. Spending it with such an amazing woman.
The things that we share together reach far beyond these walls. It is as if nothing else is around us. Our time is magical. And we are able to really communicate an a level that I have never experienced before. Looking into her eyes and holding her hand. Hearing her sweet voice. It let me know that our future, wherever it takes us is going to be a bright one.

I know in my heart our lives came together not by coincidence rather by fate, should you believe in destiny. I happen to believe, the evidence is irrefutable to me, that is what has led me to several changes that have transformed me, accepting that everything happens for a reason and when the moment comes is your choice of what to do with every chance,  I saw the "light" so to speak, to guide me on my way.

Everybody should get a second chance, I'm not saying that it should just given to me or to anyone else. It is about earn it and work for it. Anyways I hope that everybody had a happy valentines day.

Tom Taylor

Guest: Derrick Steilmann

The judge once told me that I could never be rehabilitated. Then he proceed to sentence me to 110 years WITHOUT parole for a crime I committed when I was 17 years old.

Well that old judge was wrong!

I am not the same drug-crazed child that I was at the time of my conviction. I am haunted by the things that I have done, and I am deeply ashamed. Today I am a Christian and a non-violent person. I have been inside now for nearly two decades, and I have only one violent infraction -- and that was 15 years ago in 2000. No fights. Nothing. I have been (am currently) involved in many positive programs, such as Self-repair, beautification projects, anti-violence organizations. I currently facilitate a painting course for other inmates, and I have facilitated Release Readiness, Cognitive Change, Getting it Right, and several other self-repair programs. I advocate self-awareness, Christian morals and non-violence.

Men CAN be rehabilitated in the "correctional" environment. But they have to want it, and they have to work very hard for it. Rehabilitation doesn't happen overnight, but over the course of many years in the crucible of hardship.

I am 37 years no and I hear that big changes are coming down the pipe regarding juvenile lifers. My hope is thus renewed and my fight has begun again. I pray each night for a legal advocate willing to help me get back into court. I make plans for my future in the free world, even though it is yet uncertain. I wan to help others, so if I am to be freed someday, I will revisit prisons and speak to inmates. I want to share with them the message of hope and perseverance in the face of impossible odds.

To anyone who may reading this, I implore you: NEVER GIVE UP YOURSELVES AND NEVER GIVE UP ON THOSE WHO NEVER GIVE UP. There is a spark of change in some men, and that spark should always be fanned into a bright flame.

Recently I have written a book entitled BANISHING THE DARKNESS. It is a collection of all my writings and achievements over many years in prison. It is a story of rehabilitation, faith and growth toward maturity despite all odds. IT IS PROOF THAT THE OLD JUDGE WAS WRONG! For a free copy of my book, contact me at:

Derrick Steilman 782010
CBCC GB20
1830 Eagle Crest Way
Clallam Bay, WA 98326

Light upon darkness

I would like to take this opportunity to connect with you, share my thoughts and  reflections as well as create an opportunity for some of my pairs to share a bit of there story,

A lot of people have a certain set of views towards people in prison "criminals" so to speak, as consequence, we the "criminals" end up falling into a hard category to overcome, of course, there are always plenty of examples of those who continue down the same path elevating there criminal acts as they progress. Those examples are everyday available at the media (called Television, Radio and Internet) , to which the media, government and DOC exploit to push their propaganda. They say: "We need more money, more cops, more security, let's lock em up and throw away the key. take away their privileges and programs, lock em in the cell". Sadly, this only multiplies the problem in a continuous cycle of negative behavior.

What the people don't necessary hear about  is all the positive things that are happening in this dark cold world of chaos and criminals.  There are plenty of men who have made changes, grown up and  have improved their behavior and  arranged their priorities in life. Many men I know personally entered the system at a young age convicted of serious crimes that generated life sentences or an outrageous number of years that constitutes defect life, myself included, but I have changed,  after an in depth look into my personal situation: what I have done and what I want to do now based on my experience through being locked up, what I mean is that rehabilitation is possible and not all of us are the same person that entered the prison 5, 10, 15 , 20 or so years ago.

My intention through this platform is share a message, and that message is that there are many of us who through this struggle through these horrible choices made,  there is light at the end of the tunnel. And just because there is darkness about darkness cannot cast shadow upon all the light, and we can speak out to be heard. There are people who can make a difference. It is people like myself and others who are on the same path or similar with me, who can possibly reach the youth of america, or the next generation of criminals , to tell them that there is hope, and there is a good life for all who are willing to work for it.

So thank you for listening and we plan on providing much more content as we are able to, hoping that there is an audience who is willing to listen. Please check out http://www.tomtaylorsfineartplace.com/ to see what I do with some of my time. Until next time take care

Tom Taylor

Out of the Prison's Cycle

In this world of evil, I walk a fine line to good in a bad place. Like walking a tight rope.
Everyday there is a new challenge whether it be from an asshole cop who thinks there job is to make our lives in here a living hell, or it be some jerk in here who has something to prove or is stock in the cycle of prison politicizing that he can't think outside the box. Thinking outside the box is what I have to do. As most are so limited with what they feel they can do. No able to expand their thinking.

Prison can definitely do that to a man if you let it.  Become a victim of the cycle. Wake up go to breakfast, and sit around playing poker or pinnacle talking bad about this guy or that guy, or who's the toughest, waiting or gym and yard to come, then go to gym, yard and back to cards, and watching T.V. then the cycle just keeps going until they get in trouble for whatever doing drugs, fighting, whatever it maybe.

So instead I keep myself busy from the time I get up till later at night then relax, I want to make something of my life. I realize who I was and I don't like that kid. But the man I've become has learned from those mistakes and grown to become talented skilled and to fulfill my place in life. Just striving for another chance in society. The time will come of that I am certain, with God in my heart and the most amazing woman by my side I know I will see the light of day. Until that day comes, I've got to stay strong and keep marching forward, a lone soldier to the beat of my own drum, not letting my negative environment pull me down.

Tom Taylor.

Poem - Life

Hello, today I share this with you, a short poem that tries to express how i feel a lot of times, in the end I always find a drive to continue. to be better.

Life

From the blacktop of the streets, under the stars

To the confines of concrete, behind the bars

They locked me up, threw away the key

Because I refused to take their erroneous plea

The undying will of one man’s heart to persevere

Keeps the blood from running cold and living in fear

Finding new beginnings, when life has been led astray

Hope remains, to carry on through each passing day

The second hand on the clock ticks, not ever standing still

Feeling like I’m a hamster on a wheel

Trying to get to the top of a never ending hill

Time travels on faster, sometimes slower

Navigating the way, I am my boat’s own rower

To trip and fall back down, the reoccurring story

On a quest to attest this life, reaching fame and glory

Blood starts pumping through my veins, as I again feel alive

Recovering from this fall, that almost fatal dive

Finding drive to continue, strive on through the strife

Where I’m at is just a change of venue

As long as I’ve got breath, I’ve still got life

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